Those who know about such things tell me that the Marvel Cinematic Universe is running out of steam. The entertainment world is threatened because the money-making machine that powers it has started to wobble. This cannot happen. Otherwise, people will read books, commune with Mother Nature, talk to each other and start having intelligent thoughts.
Fret not, help is at hand. I believe the root of the MCU’s problems is that it’s running out of original superheroes and supervillains with truly unbelievable superpowers. That apart, their existing characters are all Western, with a token brown or yellow face. Not acceptable. With the thrust on Make In India, Aatmanirbhar Bharat and the need for localisation influencing policy changes, why should products from Hollywood be untouched? Shouldn’t the MCU incorporate a few distinctive Indian characters with an impressive array of real-life superpowers that we can relate to? Sure, but where can they be found? India’s roads, of course!
Sikander Fate aka The Oncomer
Superpower: Can drive or ride against hordes of oncoming vehicles of all sizes and speeds, like in a video game. Slaloms through unsuspecting pedestrians who are looking the other way. He does that sometimes even while talking on a cellphone stuck between the ear and the shoulder. He is capable of driving on the wrong side of the road in any vehicle, mind you.
Bonus superpower: He’s invisible only to policemen.
Backstory: He is angry because he is a misfit; no one appreciates his right-side driving skills in a left-side driving land. Has humble beginnings. Needs to save every drop of fuel or every microsecond of time even at the expense of hospitalisation or death, his or others’. Steps out of home every day with the hope that either he’s never going to come back or will make sure someone else doesn’t. Taking shortcuts is his only reason to live… or not to live.
Appearance: Wears a delivery boy costume while riding. While driving, looks like you or me or even a truck driver.
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Signature dialogue: Kuch hua kya?
Awaaz Bahadur aka The Horner
Superpower: Has incredible skills with the vehicle horn, sometimes dexterously plays it like a musical instrument. Using it, the Horner targets his victims’ amygdala – the stress detection area in the brain – which reacts rather badly inside the host and proceeds to cause not only deafness or tinnitus, but also gives them high blood pressure, insomnia, headache, dizziness and more.
Bonus superpower: He is a silent killer but is anything but silent. Victims don’t even realise they’re affected… Deadly!
Backstory: Awaaz Bahadur always felt ignored. He believed traffic signals, the toll booth boom, the vehicles in front… heck, even the open roads ignore him. He grew up thinking no one gave him any attention. To get to his destination, he has always struggled to push people aside to make way for him. And the poor thing, no one even understood that his time was more important than anyone else’s.
Appearance: Highly deceptive. Looks as if he has functional eyes, but they don’t work.
Signature dialogue: He has some kickass lines, but no one can hear them in the din.
Trinetra Kalakar aka Screenivas
Superpower: He has a third eye! Unlike conventional third eyes that are located on the forehead between the eyebrows, this superhuman has one on top of his forehead. It allows him to drive without taking his eyes off the cellphone screen! Not to be confused with other similarly named mediocre characters (including this columnist), Screenivas is a visionary… of sorts.
Bonus superpower: Amazing powers of concentration. If distracted driving is worse than driving under the influence, streaming mind-numbing screechy shows – be it news channels or the saas-bahu variety – while driving is an extraordinary superpower by itself. Near misses do not faze him.
Backstory: As a child, Trinetra Kalakar heavily consumed ‘content’ as it is fashionably known nowadays. First the big screen, then as he became older, the TV screen and now the cellphone screen. As one would expect, he had a massive crash one day and ploughed headlong right into some garbage left uncleared by the municipality that had turned radioactive over time. This incident rearranged his optic nerves a bit inside his skull, which had anyway turned to mush owing to all the stuff he’d been watching. His regular eyes got glued to the screen, while a new third eye developed on the top of his forehead.
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Appearance: You can’t see his face! However, Screenivas is rapidly metamorphosing into a new superhuman avatar called Guerilla Glazz… But that character will have to wait for the sequel.
Signature dialogue: Dekhta hoon tere ko.
The MCU can liberally borrow from the IRU (Indian Road Universe), as there are many more superhumans out there. Let me know if you’ve spotted any, or if you think we need more of these characters to be unleashed on the world. Happy watching!
Disclaimer: The images were generated using AI
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