A never-ending election season, which was amplified by various media outlets trying desperately to outdo each other with their ‘Breaking News’ and ‘Super Primetime,’ is finally over. I can’t tell you how much easier life feels now that the whole tamasha has come to an end – well almost! Life is easier, newspapers slightly less bulky, and news channel anchors no longer ready to have an aneurysm on air. But, that is just the lull before the storm. You see, the hoopla and drama before the elections was just a teaser. The real drama is about to start now. Now is when we’ll see the real experts – i.e. people you’ve never heard of before – pop up on every media outlet providing their lofty advice to the new government on how to run the country. And, of course, you’ll hear the usual set of words – inflation, subsidy, doles, secularism, free petrol for life if you live opposite the Noida Golf Course (no prizes for guessing my home address), GDP, etc. Jokes apart though, since a list of demands and suggested policies are coming quick and fast from every Tom, Dick, and Harry, I thought we motoring enthusiasts ought to come up with a list of our own to ensure that we – as a minority – don’t continue to get steamrolled by insensitive governments. After all, what it is that we do not do in order to fill the governments coffers – we buy thousands of litres of fuel every year, pay exorbitant duties and road taxes, and, of course, pay countless traffic fines – mostly for speeding – and so on. Therefore, as law-abiding citizens of the country, I think we too deserve some appeasement from the new government. So here are a few policies that could help our cause. First of all, we need to ban people from opening their car doors and spitting a bucket load of whatever it is that they have in their mouth onto the road in open view of everyone around them. It’s simply disgusting, and very hard to explain to visitors from overseas. I have to dodge embarrassing questions every time a friend visits from a developed county and wants to know how and why my countrymen spit such colourful matter. Two, we should actually, for once, seriously make an effort for set up proper driver training facilities in our country. Sure, it’s a good story to tell your friends that, at the age of 17, the man at the RTO gave you a driving license because you looked macho – but proper training is something that we seriously need. Otherwise, we’ll soon become the country with the most number of traffic accidents and road deaths in the world. Oh wait... Thirdly, I think we should start an awareness campaign about the art of actually designing and building a proper, world-class road network. Of course, our plethora of Babu’s will have to go on foreign trips to learn this sacred art – but as long as we actually design roads that aren’t already overloaded before they get completed. Let’s also avoid having to redo the same road every five years in the name of development. That’s just an initial bunch of thoughts and suggestions that our government should consider with the utmost urgency. I’m happy to assist them in implementing these policies. I have only one condition – when I’m called to the PMO for discussion, I refuse to travel in a blue WagonR.
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